Greetings from Amman, Jordan, and welcome back to Tips for Learning Levantine Arabic. If you listened to our last episode, you know that we are doing a series on cultural insights for those living among Arabs or interacting with Arabs where they live. After all, culture and language are inseparable, and here at Shababeek, we believe that intercultural learning is an essential step to adapting to a new environment. The more familiar you are with the place you reside and the people you now call neighbors, the more you understand why things work the way they do, and you can then choose how you decide to behave within a community of which you are a guest.
In the last episode, we talked about intentions versus impact, discussed a posture of humility in interactions as we learn Arabic, and covered some particular hot buttons when it comes to issues that can easily cause offense or set off an internal emotional response if we are not careful with our words or attitude. If you haven’t yet listened to that episode, you may want to back up and go there first, as these topics and the discussion around them are fairly foundational.
Today, we’re going to take a step back and do some less serious cultural insights and advice—some tidbits to help keep it more light and fun. There will be a dozen tips in total, and to stay on theme with our podcast, we’ll also throw in some Arabic that will be done after I share the tips so that you can continue adding Levantine Arabic expressions to your ever-expanding exposure to the language.
What I’ve observed in 16 years of living in Jordan is that sometimes the things we do, rather than the words we use, can actually misrepresent us. Being aware of the norms in society can help us fit in better and not stick out or be viewed in a negative light. Here are some “do” and “do not” examples:
Tip 1: Do Not Throw Bread in the Garbage
An example we often give to new arrivals is the importance of how foreigners are observed treating bread. That’s right, bread. I remember so clearly a day during the first year we’d opened the center where some employees came up to me quite furious about something. “You have to tell them to stop,” they said. “Stop what?” I asked. “They are throwing away bread—the foreigners!” Thankfully, my response was, “Tell me more,” rather than, “So?” It was then that they explained to me that bread is a symbol of God’s grace to us, and if we throw bread in the trash, it means we don’t respect God. This was an occasion in which I thought, “Wow, even without words, we can be misunderstood.” Arabs regard food so highly that they recycle it back into nature by putting leftovers, especially bread, in a bag on the side of dumpsters. When shepherds come by with their sheep, they often feed the bread to their herd. So here in Jordan, if someone sees you throwing bread on the ground or in the garbage, even from far away, they can perceive you in a light that may be untrue about who you really are or how you want to present yourself.
Tip 2: Do Offer to Share Your Food
Generosity is highly valued in the Middle East. Sharing food is a polite way to not be perceived as stingy and show how much you enjoy and appreciate other people. When you’re heading out to buy something like a coffee or a snack from the dukan, get something for others also. Maybe bring back enough to share with everyone. It’s a great way to strengthen relationships.
We bond over food, and if you invite someone to your home, go overboard in what you serve. Always make sure there’s way more than we could possibly eat in one sitting. That’s how Arab culture shows you honor, so try to return that sentiment. It seems very generous to have so much food. It’s also customary to keep scooping more onto a guest’s plate. They’ll do it when you’re in their home, so when they’re in yours, don’t be afraid to heap food on their plates to show them how much you want to be generous to your guests. Learn to imitate these behaviors.
Tip 3: Don’t Ignore People
It’s actually not rude to interrupt someone who is having a conversation with another person in order to greet them. You want to make sure that if you enter into a room or even a store, you say something like:
Greet everyone, even if they are in a conversation or on the phone. I know in your culture it might feel rude to some of you, but trust me, it’s often interpreted as passive-aggressive behavior to skip greeting someone that you see, especially when you know them well. At our Arabic language center, this is usually the first thing we hear about if employees are having a conflict. “Flan [a place holder for someones name without naming them] isn’t saying ‘good morning’ to me.” It’s a signal that they are upset about something, so be careful that you’re not unintentionally sending that signal by being preoccupied with your thoughts as you pass people. I’m really guilty of this one.
Tip 4: Ladies, Don’t Be Overly Friendly to Men
For us women who come from places where we smile and we’re very chatty and friendly with men, know that here, that actually that can misrepresent you. Do feel free to give the cold shoulder to men that are strangers. Note that conservative women in Jordan do not shake hands with men. My approach to this is that it really depends on the context and what kind of tone I’m trying to set for the relationship. For example, if our building has hired a new haris [someone who guards and does maintenance for an apartment building], I’m not going to extend my hand if he wants to greet me. I want him to perceive that I’m a respectable person who has relational boundaries. I want to set a little bit of distance between us. Unfortunately, as women, Western television and film have preempted many people’s impressions of us. I want to do whatever I can to correct that perception from the get-go. However, if I’m seeing a medical specialist that was, let’s say, trained as a doctor in the States or in Europe, and he puts his hand out, that would be a context that I would categorize differently.
Sometimes our tendency as foreigners is to be overly friendly, and this often gets interpreted in a way that we do not intend. That’s why if a man walks up to me on the street to ask for directions, I’ll force myself to be very cold and firm with him. He has plenty of men to ask, and here in Jordan it’s pretty inappropriate for him to be approaching me. In a taxi, especially, I always set the tone with, “as-salaamu alaikum” to again put forward that I am someone to take seriously, not their new buddy who wants to be asked intimate questions during my ride.
When it comes to Arabic, using MSA is a good way to create relational distance because colloquial or spoken Arabic is often used for relational connection; Levantine Arabic is a language of the heart. When you get into the taxi or walk into a dukan and offer a big smile and a greeting such as “marhaba,” it might be perceived as overly friendly for that situation. You may be inadvertently setting the tone that you want a closer relationship with those men than you have. These are nuances that you just don’t pick up automatically when you’re new to a culture.
Tip 5: Do Dress Modestly
Now, what do we mean by “dress modestly”? Modestly levels have changed since I moved here many years ago. Many people are no longer covering their ankles or all the way down past their wrists. But certainly most people do cover their elbows and their knees. This is especially important when visiting mosques and other religious sites. Dressing modestly in this way follows the rules and customs, and I might say, keeps you from drawing unwanted attention. If you are getting unwanted attention, it could be that you are dressing in a way that causes people to turn their heads. For me personally, I don’t desire any of that extra attention. When it’s hot, you might feel like it’s difficult to dress in long sleeves, but it does help you reduce the amount of attention you’re probably already getting just by being a foreigner.
Tip 6: Men, Don’t Be Super Friendly with Ladies
Don’t compliment females’ clothes, hair, nails, eyes; really their appearance in general. These can be taken as signs of flirting, even if that isn’t your intention.
Tip 7: Do Use Your Right Hand
In the Middle East, it is more proper to use your right hand instead of your left hand for many things, particularly to greet or hand things to people. The right hand is generally seen as more clean and polite, so it will be appreciated when you use it.
Tip 8: Do Eat Politely
If you’re eating with a group around a communal plate or a seder (سدر), a big round tray, try to take things from what’s closest to you. Don’t grab from the middle. Imitate how you see other people eating. For example, hummus isn’t eaten with a spoon, but rather with torn pieces of bread that you pick up with with your fingers. I was recently in Denmark, and we were at a burger restaurant. We all looked around and noticed that everyone was eating their hamburgers with a knife and a fork. That led us follow suit and do it in their way. Similarly, here there are right ways to eat that are perceived as polite. Try to notice those. I find a lot of people don’t set aside time to observe. The more you are observant of what people are doing around you, the more you’ll be able to naturally pick these things up.
Tip 9: Don’t Eat or Drink in Public During Ramadan
Remember, Ramadan is the holy month where Muslims fast from eating, drinking, smoking. Eating or drinking in front of people is not just inappropriate and disrespectful, it’s also illegal. You can actually get a fine and potentially some jail time for eating in public. In fact, even though Jordan has a 6% Christian population, there is a lot done to make sure that this month is honored. Liquor stores close and even restaurants that stay open close their shades or put up something to cover windows so that people are not confronted with others eating or drinking during the day.
Tip 10: Men, Don’t Ask Women If They Are Fasting or Not
There are specific reasons that women do not fast during part of the month of Ramadan. Men, let’s try to avoid that question so you don’t find yourself in some awkward conversations.
Tip 11: Do Learn to Use Mujamalat
Mujamalat are the courteous exchanges that happen in Arabic. There are many of them and they are used in every setting. Using mujamalat, however, doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to know the literal meaning. There are two types of meaning when it comes to language. One is the semantic meaning, which is the literal meaning of each individual word. The other is the pragmatic meaning, which is the actual meaning in the context of various acts of communication; in other words, the intended message. The pragmatic meaning is the sentiment that is received, and linguists insist that this is more crucial to language learning than the semantic meaning.
The other day when I was thinking of an example for this, I realized that I had no idea what sahlan meant, even though every day I say “ahlan wa sahlan.” It’s like a way of saying “welcome” or “go ahead” or “come in”. These are the messages it conveys, but the literal meaning I hadn’t actually thought about. Sahlan, when paired with ahlan, literally means welcome and may your way be made easy. However, it’s not necessary to know the semantic meaning of sahlan to use it well and appropriately. Learners often get hung up on literal meaning, which can often get in the way. If you are simply thinking about what you might say in that situation in your culture, you may translate a word or phase that could convey the semantic meaning you intend, but not the pragmatic meaning, which is more important to communication. You may say something quite odd for a situation when trying to translate it into another language cross-culturally. It’s better to learn what people say here in this context. Many Arabs are not thinking about literal meaning when they use these; they just know what is socially appropriate in that situation and how the expression is felt. In our program at Shababeek, we prioritize working on these because it’s important to show respect and competence in your interactions. In fact, it’s the way that you show people that you care about them and that you really appreciate the way that they do life here.
Tip 12: Do Say Insha’Allah
Never say “never”. The word “no” in Arabic is heavy and can feel overly rejecting. Learn to use insha’Allah (God willing) whenever someone asks you for a favor or invites you somewhere. It communicates goodwill even if you know you cannot fulfill the request or attend the event. If someone invites you to their wedding and you know you cannot go, don’t just blurt out that you are busy. If you do, it could be a quick relationship killer. Say “insha’Allah” and then politely apologize closer to the date for being unable to attend. Even if someone asks you to get them a visa to Canada, and its obvious to you that you can’t do so, it would be harsh to just say “no” or “I can’t” right away. Try to show goodwill and then hope they forget about it or make an excuse later for why you tried and it didn’t work out. Even our employee support managers here, having given six employees the same day off, will not tell an employee who comes to ask them for the day off “la’” (no). It’s just too heavy and rejecting. Instead, they’ll say “insha’Allah,” and later in the day they’ll find a way to let them down softly.
For those who live in Jordan, have you ever gotten into a taxi and told them where you plan to go, and the taxi driver responds with “insha’Allah“? That’s because the general belief here is that only God has complete knowledge of what will happen in the future. It’s not that the taxi driver doesn’t plan to take you, but rather that he has surrendered to the will of God. Ultimately, it’s God’s decision whether you make it to your destination or not, and that’s what the driver is saying.
One Last Concluding Bit of Advice
Do not to be quick to assign judgment. Try to observe people often and describe what you see without interpretation if you can.
That’s why I always encourage people moving here to learn to understand the language around them as fast as they can. This brings down that curtain of mystery when language is just noise. The more you comprehend the words being spoken around you, the more you will feel comfortable and have a sense of belonging to the society you live in. Arabs are some of the most amazing people in the world—warm, generous, gracious, and charitable. It’s a great society to belong to. Here’s to hoping these tips and the ever-developing of your communication skills in Arabic will help you to achieve that sense of belonging.
